To end this month I want to clarify that I have come to this belief (against divorce) not from a place of superiority or with a judgemental heart. I come as someone who has seen divorce up close and from a few different angles.
My first experience with divorce was as a 16 year old high school-er who believed in happily ever after. My family had it all, not in matters of wealth though we weren't poor. My mom loved and adored my dad. I am the middle of three kids who also loved and adored our dad. He, evidently, did not have so much love and adoration in his own heart for our family. That was something that kicked us in the gut a few minutes before he drove away. The experience rocked my world in a way that I hope to never be rocked again. My life went down hill for 5 to 7 years from that night, life after divorce isn't pretty. I have never seen someone walk away from the scene un-scathed. My family suffered, and seems still to be suffering, in many ways. Our entire church was shaken right down to the youth group that was every bit a part of our family as I was. Wounds are still healing, wounds are still bleeding, tears are still. being. shed. There is no easy fix, there are no magic words, there's no right way to recover and no correct time frame to recover in. Divorce sucks, it just plain sucks. It sucks the life right out of those it takes down with the marriage it rips apart.
My next big experience with divorce was that of my own. The entire marriage was a joke from the beginning. After we married I found out that I didn't even know the guy's actual age, if you can believe that. There was a fake id and altered birth certificate involved, and for what? Some stupid lie to maintain, some idea to live up to. The problems in that marriage were as much my own fault as his though; I walked into that marriage with the belief that I could make it work all by myself. I could make a marriage worth staying in, or something, who knows. But it always take persistence and commitment. Neither of us had that. My one regret about the marriage is that I refused to ask God's direction before I entered into it. I knew He would say no, I knew it was not the right choice, and I refused to listen. I went my own way and followed my own path. That divorce sucked too.
The rest of my experience with divorce is from a step back, my grandparent's divorced when my mom was about 10 years old. My aunt and uncle divorced when I was a little girl and I'll have memories of that for the rest of my life. Another aunt and uncle divorced when I was a little older and I still talk with my cousins about how it affects their lives to this day, twenty years later. I have watched my friends' divorces tear up their children, and themselves. Divorce rips lives apart in such a way that the heart will never forget.
I believe there is a place for divorce although the bible does not advocate, support, or encourage divorce. The bible says that if your spouse has cheated on you, you have a right to a divorce, but not that you must divorce, or even that you should. Sometimes we exercise that right to divorce out of pain, humiliation, agony, or pride. If we look back later, we might realize that the marriage could have been healed and restored with repentance and forgiveness. Don't over look that. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and I believe it's because he sees what a blood bath it is. I always wondered why I didn't die from the pain of my parents divorce. Abandonment by an unsaved spouse is also grounds. I'll tell you that some say that abuse of any kind to spouse or children has been listed under abandonment by some, and that seems right to me, but the bible isn't clear on that and to take liberties with the Word of God is living closer to the edge than I'm willing to go.
Read what this website has to say about it.
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