Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Spring Has Sprung!

In the Missouri Ozarks and in my heart, the warm sunshine is melting away the long winter. Springtime means fresh hope to me, the promise of life returning after a season of isolation or dormancy. It's been more than 2 years since our (foster) babies moved out. Such a hard and bitterly cold winter for us, and our family. Last year I was buried deep in the snow of sorrow and couldn't see beyond it. That snow has melted and little springtime sprouts are budding all around. It's more than hope, it's a promise. A promise being fulfilled. New lives, new loves, new joys, and new sunshine all around. It was a long and hard winter. I won't say it's okay. It has forever changed the world , as winter does, and I'm glad to be through it. It will be a landmark in time, like the flood of '93 was for those affected by it, or like Katrina for New Orleans and many others. The winter of my heart will not fade in my memory but, it will mark the loss, grief, and the healing of my heart that winter brings to prepare for spring. If you know us, this might scare you. We feel compelled to continue at the risk of further heartache. We have taken steps to open our hearts and our home another child. This time a teen. We've been connected with someone and in the way that we do, we've found ourselves falling, no, jumping madly into love. To celebrate, I want to have a giveaway. Since I he no idea how to do that, I'll look into it! So keep checking back!

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Winter Greetings!

This week has been my first glimpse of winter weather so far this season! We've had snow in our area before this week but I wasn't home to enjoy the fun. So I find myself thrilled to be "snowed in" with my hubby and keeping toasty warm. From June 2014 until October 2015 I worked as a manager for a local coffee shop. There I learned much about coffee, espresso, steaming milk, and keeping shop for a small business. I also learned that there is so much I DON'T know. I think that is the most enlightening part of any real education; coming to the edge of the vast and endless world of things unlearned. What I know about coffee could fill a small book in the two story library of all that is coffee. I feel pleasantly humbled. I believe they have a word for this; awe. Beyond the world of coffee and small business operations, the last year and a half has given me a much needed rest and reprieve from the hard work of heartaches. My husband has been my greatest human source of strength and support. He has given so much and carried my burdens so very far. He is a gift from God and I find myself speechless and incapable of describing all that he is and what he has done for me, and for my heart. I thank God for him. There are a multitude of others who have helped me walk my path. Some friends have become family, shouldering the weight of grief, crying my tears with me, others have cheered me on when I felt no confidence to go. I've been given gentle instruction regarding healthy habits of grief, and I've made new friends who have treated me as an I nvaluable treasure. Some faces have faded into the background, although from what I have seen in my life so far, I believe some those relationships will circle back around, others are most likely in the past for good. My family, as always, are a source of endless lI've and joy for me. I'm growing in clarity of mind and my enthusiasm for housekeeping is amazing even to myself. There have been days that I understood the fog of grief as a passing phase and gave myself a pass on laundry and dishes. There have been other days that humiliation flushed my face when I recalled my lack of shame at the filth and disarray surrounding me. Today I can say there is progress and I am proud of it. Even if I am the only one who knows the depths of it. Time is moving forward and I am swept along in the current. This wintertime is preparing to melt away into a bright and beautiful spring. Oh. And we have a puppy.