I am a wife to a very handsome man, this Summer we will have our 10 year anniversary. I would like to be the Mama of his children and I plan to have one child for every year I have to wait. We're up to ten!
So, as mentioned in the title of this post, Spring has sprung and the new year has long begun. I cannot yet say if it will be a happy one and yet the joy of the Lord is my constant comfort and His peace is my friend.
It has been a year since we've held our precious children and basked in their beautiful presence. What heartache it has brought; missing them, clearing out clothes from their closets, boxing up toys, taking down small beds and baby cribs, sorting through all the days that are now memories. Folding tiny pants and little dresses took my breath away. Each has had a birthday pass and the baby will soon have another. Those are especially hard for me because I believe in grand and glittering birthday celebrations and I do not see my treasures being treasured. Well loved, yes, but not treasured. Not as we treasured their preciousness. I ache at missing the milestones that fly by in those fast growing toddles years.
We pray for their lives and we long for their return and yet we know the chances are that we won't hold them again. We won't be rocking them to sleep or waking during the night. Its funny to say that we enjoyed those midnight wake ups but they were warm and sweet and precious to us. Sometimes I wake up wondering if someone needs checking on and a moment later when reality hits it is cold. Still. Peace is here in our hearts and it gives us hope for a future. We know who designes our life and we trust God with our world. We don't invite anger or bitterness inside and when it starts to barge in we uproot it. There are many people who would advise us to sue, or go to the media, or push our adgenda in other ways but we know the only right way is by trusting the Lord and we know we can do that. So that is what we do. Moment by moment sometimes and day by day, always.
Spring is bringing buds of new life and we are expecting a year of comfort and peace, maybe a little hope too.