Thursday, October 30, 2014


I have a family history of this sort of behavior, I've known that I have a predisposition for this type of thing but I never thought it would affect me.
As a child, I heard stories about my aunt, whispers around the table, I saw my sister inclined in the same way, and I was repulsed. But I NEVER thought that it would affect me,I never thought that I would be one of them but, it started slowly. It was fun to fake it, to pretend for awhile, there are things you can do, stuff you can buy to make yourself think you don't want it, I pretended that I was normal but I knew something was different. I knew I WANTED it. Then one day I found it for a really good price and I thought that I could buy a larger amount and use it slowly, now and then. I went through what could be a year's supply for some people, and it only took me a few months. My husband was appalled. I could see the confusion, the apprehension, even sometimes this look of disgust, on his face but by then I was hooked and it didn't matter. I hid it for awhile, but my friends started noticing. They were shocked and disgusted. I tried to entice them to join me but it was not to be. I didn't care. I didn't even think it was a problem. But my habit was getting expensive and the price was going up, all over the US people we paying top dollar for the stuff, and double that when it was considered designer. The good stuff.
Anyway. My husband started a few months ago but he only does it when he's with me. Never on his own. I have to do it for him and sometimes he'll ask for it. I have a secret thrill when this happens because I know he's hooked. Money has been tight lately and luxuries are few, this is now a splurge that I make every couple of weeks and I try to make it last. If I don't have any waiting for me, all I can think about is finding more. If I do have a stash, then it calls to me. I keep it in the kitchen. This morning I woke up thinking it was just a regular day but after my shower I walked out to the kitchen and like a big, bright, light it was there, right on the countertop, calling my name. My name is Amy, and I don't have a problem but this morning I ate a half a stick of butter.

Real butter is good for you. But real Addiction is a serious problem and I'm not making light of that. If you have an addiction or know someone who does, please seek help.

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