Food For ... Thought.

In your marriage - or any relationship really. Especially your marriage though because, man, living with someone gets frustrating! Your spouse or friend, mother, brother, whoever, was not created to make you happy, to maintain your sense of well being, or to cheer you up.

You were not created even to BE happy. You were created to glorify God by becoming holy through a lifetime of trusting in God through all of your circumstances. God is not a magic genie that pops out to make our dreams and wishes come true. God is God. For us to adore, worship, fear, revere, trust, honor, glorify, and love.

So do not rely on your spouse to make your day brighter, make theirs brighter, don't wait for them to complement you, complement them, serve God by loving your spouse as God has loved us. Thoroughly, unconditionally, never ending(ly), always when you don't feel like it or don't want to, and especially when they don't deserve it, because we never have deserved Gods love, and we never will.

The Gift of Giving

Tonight we had a wrapping party which was such fun that I think we'll do it again very soon!
For one thing, I have lots of gifts yet to be delivered to my door so another round of wrapping is in the future. Another reason is that I'm not quite done shopping, though most of the people on my list have a nice (not naughty) check mark that says I know what they're getting! So the hard part is over and it's only December 4th!
Gift selecting, wrapping, and giving is really really really my favorite part about the non-spiritual traditions of our American Christmas holiday. I love looking for something special or hearing a little bird tweet the wishes of a friend or family member. It just feels so good to hit the spot with something personal. There is something more special than gifts though and I've posted a little, here and there, about the small group we're a part of at church.
We like to do volunteer opportunities when we find them so we've helped out at a Convoy of Hope outreach before, swept the floor at a local food donation site, handed out medals at a Special Olympics style event for children and older folks with special needs a few times, but what I think I have come to love the most is finding a local church that feeds the homeless and poverty stricken, every week. This is not only for the holidays or just in the wintertime but all year they serve food, supply groceries and clothing, and offer encouragement and prayer for their individual needs and circumstances.
One morning, I walked into their warehouse building and I was in a particularly grumpy mood, the special kind of grumpy that happens on days when I have had about 5 or 6 hours of sleep. I was thinking that I might just stay for a few minutes if I couldn't find it in me to have a single positive thought. I scolded myself about my selfishness and irritability when I was there, warmly dressed, with gas in my car, food on my table every single day, and a safe and warm home every night. My mood wasn't lightened but I pushed up my sleeves and walked through the door. Over the course of the next couple of hours I was greeted with faces that were filled with delight and gratitude. These were no grumpy people come to discuss their dire circumstances, these were people that were happily eating a warm meal, they could have enough, and then some more. I was immediately honored to bring each plate of hot food and my heart was bursting with love for these people whom I had never known. I could not do enough to serve them.
I wasn't growling when I walked in, I was nice and polite. When I left though, I was exuberant, filled with joy to over flowing. I had been smiled upon by beautiful people who had no reservations, no bone to pick, no homes and no attitude of self pity or despair. I had come to serve them but the reward was truly mine.
I tell you all of this not to brag, although to even speak of my small effort is the epitome of self exultation, but I am telling you, because I want you to do it too, not just at Christmastime but all year, every month, every week!
There are people in need all around us and what they need is you, but most of all; its you that needs them.

Merciful Hearts

Mt heart is heavy for the people in this world who have such humongous burdens to carry and to live with. I am thinking of people who have lost their homes, their family, and their livelihood. People who have lived through tragedy and trauma and also those who just live each day with a pain from a broken heart. Thinking of these people has helped me to see that the little things in life are sometimes the big things, and that the things we think are big, are many times pretty small. It has also brought me to a place where I count my blessings everyday. Blessings that are usually taken for granted like running water, working Internet, a dependable vehicle, loving family and friends, and most of all, the love of God.
I believe that the love of God is shown by us, and through us, best of all in how we treat others. If we use our "kind" and "polite" words to scrape our boots on some one's face, to demand their humiliation, then we have not shown God's love, but our own shameful sin.
God has called us to show mercy, to offer forgiveness, and to love one another long before we are asked to do so. As Christians, that is our honor. So next time you know you have the right to publicly call someone out, remember that Christ has the right to call you out too, and He gives you mercy and forgiveness instead.
Everyone you meet is fighting some battle, so speak kindly and show mercy. Forgive them before they ask you to, and even if they never do.

Joplin, MO

Joplin, MO needs you to pray, volunteer, donate, or do anything you can do to help.
These people have not just lost their homes, belongings, jobs, vehicles, and city but also, specifically, their mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, grandparents, children and babies. Entire families. They are trying to salvage and rebuild their lives and that is hard enough, but they are functioning during their grief and that is next to impossible.
Joplin, MO needs your help. They don't need your kind thoughts. Your thoughts are not with them. The people of Joplin need money, help, prayer, and love. They need it in the physical form. They need everything they can get and they need it from you.
Please visit Convoy of Hope or James River Assembly's Joplin Tornado Relief Effort to find out how you can do your part.

Divorce Awareness Month: Part Last

To end this month I want to clarify that I have come to this belief (against divorce) not from a place of superiority or with a judgemental heart. I come as someone who has seen divorce up close and from a few different angles.
My first experience with divorce was as a 16 year old high school-er who believed in happily ever after. My family had it all, not in matters of wealth though we weren't poor. My mom loved and adored my dad. I am the middle of three kids who also loved and adored our dad. He, evidently, did not have so much love and adoration in his own heart for our family. That was something that kicked us in the gut a few minutes before he drove away. The experience rocked my world in a way that I hope to never be rocked again. My life went down hill for 5 to 7 years from that night, life after divorce isn't pretty. I have never seen someone walk away from the scene un-scathed. My family suffered, and seems still to be suffering, in many ways. Our entire church was shaken right down to the youth group that was every bit a part of our family as I was. Wounds are still healing, wounds are still bleeding, tears are still. being. shed. There is no easy fix, there are no magic words, there's no right way to recover and no correct time frame to recover in. Divorce sucks, it just plain sucks. It sucks the life right out of those it takes down with the marriage it rips apart.
My next big experience with divorce was that of my own. The entire marriage was a joke from the beginning. After we married I found out that I didn't even know the guy's actual age, if you can believe that. There was a fake id and altered birth certificate involved, and for what? Some stupid lie to maintain, some idea to live up to. The problems in that marriage were as much my own fault as his though; I walked into that marriage with the belief that I could make it work all by myself. I could make a marriage worth staying in, or something, who knows. But it always take persistence and commitment. Neither of us had that. My one regret about the marriage is that I refused to ask God's direction before I entered into it. I knew He would say no, I knew it was not the right choice, and I refused to listen. I went my own way and followed my own path. That divorce sucked too.

The rest of my experience with divorce is from a step back, my grandparent's divorced when my mom was about 10 years old. My aunt and uncle divorced when I was a little girl and I'll have memories of that for the rest of my life. Another aunt and uncle divorced when I was a little older and I still talk with my cousins about how it affects their lives to this day, twenty years later. I have watched my friends' divorces tear up their children, and themselves. Divorce rips lives apart in such a way that the heart will never forget.

I believe there is a place for divorce although the bible does not advocate, support, or encourage divorce. The bible says that if your spouse has cheated on you, you have a right to a divorce, but not that you must divorce, or even that you should. Sometimes we exercise that right to divorce out of pain, humiliation, agony, or pride. If we look back later, we might realize that the marriage could have been healed and restored with repentance and forgiveness. Don't over look that. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and I believe it's because he sees what a blood bath it is. I always wondered why I didn't die from the pain of my parents divorce. Abandonment by an unsaved spouse is also grounds. I'll tell you that some say that abuse of any kind to spouse or children has been listed under abandonment by some, and that seems right to me, but the bible isn't clear on that and to take liberties with the Word of God is living closer to the edge than I'm willing to go.
Read what this website has to say about it.

Starstruck? Yes!

My little cold has almost passed. Maybe it was allergies, I just have no idea. Thank God. Today has been clear and yesterday was really good too! What I came here to tell you about is not my cold though.

I had a chance to see Candace Cameron (DJ Tanner from Full House) speak Friday night and to be honest I wasn't expecting great things. I figured she would give us her childhood celebrity story and we would all be in awe of her stardom but SHE was amazing! From head to toe incredible! Take a look at her website, read her testimoy, and watch the interview! Candace is an amazing amazing woman! It was an honor to listen to her speak and to get to know her family through her amazing story.

What God Has joined Together

I was once dropped off early, by a date for being too nice and agreeable. I'm sure my husband would find that laughable.
Someone else broke up with me just a couple of days after asking me to be his girlfriend because I was nice to his buddies when he took me to meet them. We were driving back towards my house when the guy brought it up. I said "That's fine with with me, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is going to suspect foul play at every turn". By they time we got to my house he had changed his tune and was back peddling fast. I said "hit the road". He was probably thinking I had been a little too agreeable, too.
That date-cut-short was 12 years ago and the break-up was at least 10. In my heart and mind it was a lifetime ago but the memories are clear. I could list a few other, longer and more meaningful, relationships that I've been involved in but I won't. What I'm really getting at is no matter how deep the relationship currently is, If you don't intend to marry that person you need to get out because you take things with you when you go. The longer you stay in a relationship the more of that person's life leaves with you.
God was serious when He told us to practice abstinence until we married. no matter how much you wish a past relationship away, a lot of it stays in your heart. When two become one, and are then separated, it is like tearing something down the middle. There are still two pieces but each piece takes a part of the other, the edge is jagged. Don't become one with someone you aren't married to and don't separate what has become one (through marriage).
You can change the quality and environment of your marriage before you even meet your spouse by cautiously choosing who to care for and by acting honorably before God and using wisdom in the days that precede your marriage.

Preparation for Divorce Awareness Month Segment 2: Love Your In-Laws as Yourself

In-laws can bring all sorts of new concepts and ideas to the family dynamic. Things that the family had never considered would be introduced into their homes or lives.

For instance, we know someone who just had a baby and now have decided to spend their holidays at home, not rushing around between grandparent's and great-grandparent's homes for dinner and gifts and gatherings. I'm sure there were a couple of people who weren't so excited about that. What helps though, is that they welcome their families into their own home for the day. So everyone still gets to gather together and celebrate but the new baby doesn't have to carted all about town. I'm sure that mama was the #1 in-law on "the bad list" for a bit. She and her hubby stood up for what they believed was the best decision for their new little girl though, and that's their job.

I know another gal who is not friends with her husband's family. She thinks they're strange and uninterested in her life. To her they seem un-friendly and cold. She can see that they have meaningful relationships with one another, she even feels that they are too close. She just doesn't see that there is anything to build a relationship on for her. My friend has told me that she has tried to involve her in-laws in conversation but they seem unresponsive. Does this sound familiar to you? If so, trying talking to them about something they might be interested in. Ask questions about their life. Don't think they've been sitting around waiting to hear about your decorating plans. I can promise you, they probably don't really care.

When my mom and I were planning my wedding, I was sure that everyone else was dreading the thought of being asked to help out or do something like cut the cake. I am sure I got that vibe from the one person who was feeling that way. Because of that one person though, I didn't involve any of my husband's family. Most specifically his mom. I didn't want her to have to lift a finger. I wanted her to come, relax, and enjoy the day. As it turns out, she very much wanted to be involved in the planning and preparation. She would have loved taking part in the day. I figured that out too late and I regret it. Something that I really loved about our wedding day was that my mom and my mother-in-law, by no plan of my own, ended up cutting the cakes together and had such a wonderful time doing it. It felt so special to me, and to them. So, take into consideration that people want to be wanted, and needed. They want to help and to bless you. By asking for help, or for advice, or opinions from your family, especially your in-laws, you can build relationships that will be full of joy and blessings. Just remember to be genuine. If you really don't care what brand of laundry soap your MIL uses, find something you do care about and target that area. She'll feel special to have been asked and you'll get to hand something down to your children from their grandmother, even if it is something as simple as the scent of her clothes.

Obviously some people get stuck with the crazies. Don't hop on that bandwagon just to get the easy way out. I do know of some nutty in-laws though. So don't kill yourself trying to be the perfect daughter-(or son) in-law for someone who will never accept you anyway. Much too much sleep to be lost there. On the other hand, if you have a bad egg, and even if your spouse agrees with you. Don't spend much time talking or venting or raging to your spouse. Like I said, even if your husband agrees with you, because it can still hurt. You can change the vibe of your relationship by not taking every opportunity that presents itself to bash your husband's family. You could probably discuss it now and then in a level tone of voice, but try to zip your lip for the most part.

So, bottom line, when you're looking at your in-laws like you have no idea how your beloved spouse came from a family like that, realize that they think you're a little different too.

I'd Rather be Fishing...

The top 10 Things I'd rather be doing than cheating on my husband:
10.Shopping at the mall.
9. Shoveling snow.
8. Cleaning the bathtub
7. Working out.
6. Paying bills.
5. Watching paint dry.
4. Picking my toenails.
3. Going to see a movie.
2. Reading a book.
1. Hanging with my girlfriends.

You see, I spent years dreaming, wishing, hoping, and most of all, praying to have a second chance to be with this man. To love him, to honor him, to be his wife, to love his children, and to kiss his lips again is more than I thought possible. We were talking tonight about how UN-interested we are in any other person(s) and how strange it seems that people have extra-marital affairs, and how there are a million other things in our lives that we'd rather be doing than sneaking around on each other. I think his top three went like this:
3. Working out at the gym.
2. Watching TV
1. Eating Chinese food.

Me, being me, I laid in bed thinking beyond the top three. I wanted more. I could go further than 10, but I think you get the picture. I realized, there in the dark, that prayer works. I spent years praying that our relationship could be restored. I gave up a few time along the way and sometimes I thought I would never feel those lips on mine again. I wouldn't trade him for anything, or anyone. I will thank God for him everyday, as long as I live.

That's not to say that we haven't had our low points. We have, just like any other couple. We know how problems develop. We go out of our way to avoid the extra big ones, like suspicion or jealousy. We call each other all the time, we always text when we have a spare minute. We don't go out with our buddies and drink. We tell each other what we plan to do and when we plan to be done. We come home right after work or play and we are happy to. It's not like we feel like we have to, it's more like we want each other to know. To know about our days, to know about our experiences, and to know we never want to make each other worry. We also pray for each other, and with each other. We have Christian friends who are also married and interested in being good Christian spouses. We have relationships with our in-laws and we talk about our dreams and our future. We keep each other in mind when we think about what to wear. He likes to wear the colors I love on him, I try to buy things I think he'll appreciate. I don't wear things that reveal what is only for my husband, and he doesn't ask me to. We've only been married a little over 4 years, but we plan to make a strong foundation on which to build the rest of our lives. When we met in high school, he was so cute and he was everything I could have dreamed up. He was funny and silly and respectful and he had the best smile. He loved my family, sometimes more than I wanted him to. My little brother got to hang out with us more times than I would have liked. My mom and dad loved him. He went to boot camp with my sister, and she told him first when she found out she was pregnant. He fit right in, and he still does. Most of all, he's still everything I've ever wanted and I'd rather do anything than let him go.

A Day of Thanksgiving

Tonight I'm preparing some Thanksgiving food in advance. I have plenty of time to be ready, I just want to see how it does in the freezer for a day or so. Cap and I have decided to buy a deep freezer for our Christmas gift and one thing I'd like to do with it is start making up some meals that can be frozen and then popped into the oven. That's what really got me to thinking about making my Thanksgiving dishes a little early.
I'm making sweet potatoes,

and cranberry sauce, I'll probably make some cranberry muffins too, but I want to use the left over cranberry sauce for that. I did last year and they turned out delicious, we'll see if I have the same luck this year, huh?



This is my mom's famous chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal cookies recipe but I dipped them in chocolate. Here they are, All ready to go!



I have so much to be thankful for, not just this Thanksgiving but everyday. I'd like to tell you a little bit about that.
The first thing I am so grateful for is God. Always, always, God. I'm thankful for what He is, for what He does, for the wonderful blessings that He pours out on each of us and our families. I give my thanks and gratitude from the very bottom of my heart. God has kept us supplied with wonderful Christian friends, a great church with a fantastic pastor, bibles that teach us how to love one another, and by that a marriage that I am honored to be half of.
Second on my list is, my family. From my husband & step-son to my mom, and right down to each and every little niece and nephew! I am so glad to be a part of my family and my husband's family. I believe there is something to be treasured inside each person and it usually isn't hard to figure out what that special thing is! I love you, my family. I am also thankful for all the new babies born into our family this year. A combined total of 9 new babies in 2010 for my side and my captain's side! Perfect and precious. I could even list all of their names with out having to think about it!
The next category that I am giving thanks for is our home. Our nice warm beds, the running water, and a good roof over our heads. God has blessed us with a beautiful home that we are so honored to live in. Every day I look around and am so grateful for each little nook and cranny, not to mention all the extras. We are so thankful for this home and for the neighbor God has blessed us with who knows how to keep our cars in running condition!
Last and not least is our country, our freedom, our safety, and our bounty. Thank you God for this sweet land of liberty.

There are many other people and things that we are blessed to have in our lives. I hesitate to continue my list because I'm starting to feel braggadocios! I'm so honored to have been given so much in life and I thank God for all of it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Please comment and tell me what you're thankful for this year.

PS Check back to find out more about my clothing project - for lack of something better to call it!

My Sacrifice?

Is it really much of a sacrifice though? We'll have to see.

The night of the women's rally at church, that I blogged about here, I had a thought. I thought about all the clothes hanging in my closet that I never wear, I thought about all the clothes that I do wear, and about the clothes that so many don't have.

Our nation is one of great affluence and excess, we all know. The problem is that we do nothing about our indulgence, even when we hear or read of the poverty that many nations face. So I decided to make a change in my life, To challenge myself for 1 year. I will chose a few items of clothing (the exact number hasn't yet been settled upon) and wear only those clothes for the next year.
I think I will start with 5 tops, 3 pants, 1 skirt, 1 dress shoe, one tennis shoe, 1 seasonal for daily wear, 7 undies, 1 pj set, 1 hoodie, 1 winter coat, 1 scarf, 1 set of gloves, my wedding ring, and no other jewelry. This still is so much more than minimum. I will keep 5 (or 10?) other tops that I already own and donate the rest of my clothing to Project Rescue or some other local organization. Things will come up I am sure, that will require some thought and decision. I am sure there will be Christmas gifts or birthday gifts that will be clothing. I will have to give some thought to what to do about that, before it happens. I want this to be a sacrifice, I want to feel it. After 6 months I may re-evaluate and give up more items (go down to 3 shirts from 5 or something). We'll wait and see. For the season change I might exchange one pair of jeans for a pair of shorts, I can't decide if that should be allowed or not.
It's time to start picking my clothes and bagging up the rest.
I want to start this Thanksgiving Day, it seems appropriate. The captain has said he'd like to do it with me. Obviously uniforms for work have to be excluded, I don't wear one but my Captain America does. I'll post pics of the items I decide to wear for the next 12 months, just for the fun of it.

No Time To Kill/Project Rescue

First of all, I haven't had any extra time at all! I spent yesterday (Tuesday) taking my mom to the airport in Kansas City, then I spent the night with Captain America... but not at his barracks. No.
I got home this morning in time to take a quick shower, throw on my pretty granny dress, Skype with my momma who landed safely in Europe (but never called to say so), and head out to the mall. I sampled peanut brittle there today. See's Candy has the best peanut brittle. That isn't all I sampled though... I also had a Bordeaux, sugar free dark chocolate almond clusters, a regular almond cluster, and a couple of other things that I just can't put my finger on. It's my job, I have to know what I'm selling here people, okay?

Now, the real reason I'm still up is so that I can tell you about a fashion show and clothing re-sale shop that was held at my church James River Assembly of God in Ozark, MO. The women of the church were asked to donate their new or gently used clothing for an indoor sale that would happen the night of our women's rally. The proceeds of the sale, and any clothing that wasn't purchased, would then be donated to an organization called Project Rescue. The mission is to rescue women and children who have been sold into sexual slavery in India and Nepal. Project Rescue provides medical care and safe houses to rescued victims as well as a safe place for the children of sex workers during their mother's working hours, which keeps the children out of brothels. I have barely scratched the surface here but I hope to learn more about their mission and figure out how I can help raise awareness. Please visit their website and if you feel compelled to help. One of the greatest ways to do so is to send a donation. Start with a $20 and see if you even miss it. Go out to dinner once less this month, it'll be so worth it. Read the touching story of how it all began. Most of all, pray for these women and children as well as the people who are helping them. There are many resources on the Project Rescue website, I encourage you to look over them and find out how you can raise awareness in your own family, church, school, workplace, and community.

My Christmas Season...

...has now begun!
Today (after I go to sleep and then wake up at a slightly later than respectable hour) I will begin work my 1st day at my holiday job. It's See's Candy! I know that this means my time will be taken up by things other than blogging (and you know how dedicated I am, right?) so hopefully I will make up for quantity with quality.
I do have some things I'm interested in posting about in the near future. My weekend is a busy one but hopefully the beginning of the week will provide some time to organize my thoughts before I toss them out here in a jumbled mess.
Teaser: This has to do with my church, India, and clothing... all at once.

Happy Christmas!

I am a Christian

Being a Christian is so ingrained in my life that I consider it more of a "given" than something to point out. I believe that someone should be able to understand that I am a Christian by having a conversation with me or by observing my lifestyle and choices. Because of this I often (boldly) assume that everyone around me believes like I do. I guess it's part of giving people the benefit of a doubt, or seeing the best in them, I don't know. It is my great desire to wear my Christianity on the outside of myself so that there is never a doubt about what I believe or what I stand for. If, for example, you want to know my political persuasions, I will tell you that I lean in a certain direction based on my own values and morals. If you want to talk about abortion I will tell you that it rips my heart out to think people have them willingly. If you tell me you want to have an affair then I will urge you to fall in love with your husband. If you tell me your husband is abusive I will encourage you to find help, not to stay in a dangerous situation. If you're considering divorce, I urge you to reconsider. People who grow apart can grow back together, if they want to. Many times divorce is the lazy way out. These are many opinions that I generally keep to myself. It is not my desire to offend or to push someone away by my strong beliefs. I usually will not offer my opinions or beliefs unless I'm asked to, unless I feel I must. If I feel that I must share something, and then I resist, I believe that is a sin. I believe that the best Christian witness is the life of a Christian who lives what he or she believes. Words are just words until you make them your life.
It is my honor to call myself a follower of Christ. It is my honor to live my life so that it is worthy of the calling I have received. I am a Christian and I am proud to be.